To Love a Mockingbird

Alternately titled: Would someone like to sponsor me as a Stay At Home Mom?

This week has been a great one! I have an awesome job and when the kids are off of school, so are we, with the exception of summers. But hey, I am NOT complaining. So I have been enjoying all Lucy, all day since Good Friday and it really makes me sad that I miss so much of her during the week. But I cannot change the fact that I work and this post is meant to be a happy one anyway. So goodbye negativity (you may return Monday morning at 5:00 am when the alarm goes off).

We had a very good Easter. Lots of egg hunts and lots and lots of bubbles. We have spent the majority of our time off outside (the reason for the lack of posts). We planted some flowers in the front flower beds and put down mulch. Eric tore out a flower bed that the previous owners had started to put down in the back yard and made an awesome garden! Come summertime we should have bell peppers, tomatoes, squash, zucchini, eggplant, and banana peppers. (If I can remember to water it while he is at work) Then we raked and tilled an area (about two feet wide) the length of our patio and I planted some petunias, mexican petunias and some other little flowering plants. I do not have a green thumb and hopefully these plants will survive. It would be nice to have an outside space that we can actually enjoy this summer.

Inside the house, I have almost finished the curtains I started on my Christmas break. I am really fast at getting projects done, no? Hopefully they will be done by the time I go back to work. I’ll post some pictures once they are done. I originally wanted to finish them early in the week so that I could work on making Lucy some little dresses but that didn’t quite happen.

If this post seems a little all over the place, that’s probably because it is. I have been productive this week but not in the way that is getting one project done all at once. I’ll do a little of this here and a little of that there while taking breaks to have pretend lunch that Lucy has cooked for me. Maybe if I did stay home every day I could be more focused and get one thing done before I start something else. But then again, probably not.

I am unsure of how to start this post. I have so much going through my head right now. Yesterday I had a doctors appointment and while I feel relieved about everything we talked about, I guess a part of me is still wondering if I am making the right decision. I am happy that things are moving forward in adding another piece to the puzzle that is our little family. It is just not happening the way that I originally thought it would (if you know me you will know that I like to plan and I am not all that good with change- and excuse me but adding another child to the mix is a big change- an awesome one but none the less a big one). 

So anyway, I went and had some lab tests done in the middle of last month. When I called my doctor’s office the nurse told me that my results were normal which was a shock because I didn’t feel “normal”. I went ahead and made an appointment to speak to my doctor so we could figure out what was going on with me. Evidently the tests were not normal and I got a diagnosis of PCOS(which is what I figured I had all along). So at least now I have a reason for NOT loosing the weight even though I feel like I have been busting butt. My doctor did tell me that I need to incorporate some weight lifting and up my calorie intake from 1200 to 1600 and that should help to jump-start the weight loss again (fingers crossed).

Then a new question arose … where do you want to be in your life right now? Do I want to wait for diet and exercise to kick in (hello, it hasn’t yet) and try to have another baby on my own or do I want to go the fertility medication route (which is what he warned me I might have to do before I got pregnant with Lucy, thank you God for giving Lucy to us so easily)?  So when I really think about what it is that I we want at this stage in our life I know that it is another person to add joy and love to our family, God willing.

 I remember the day we came home from the hospital with Lucy, I was ready to do it all over again but then sleep deprivation and common sense caught up with me. It is just strange to think of it happening this way even though I realized infertility was a possibility even before we had Lucy. Then there is the feeling of guilt because I do already have Lucy and so many families long for just one and here I am being greedy.