To Love a Mockingbird

My mom had this image on a slide. I remember being a small child and holding it up to the light to look at it. I thought it was so neat the way the image was the correct way on one side and backwards on the other.

When I was about 19, I found the slide right before mother’s day. I brought it to a photo shop that was able to convert it to a regular photo for me. I framed it and gave it to Mom as her mother’s day gift. I liked the photo. I thought,

Oh, that would be a nice gift for mom. She’s held onto to for all these years as a slide. It must mean something to her.

But now it means so much more to me. You see, if 26 year old me could go back and talk to 19 year old me I don’t know what I would do first, slap her because she was so stupid or hug her because she was so naive. I can just about imagine that is how my mother was feeling at that time. I thought that I knew all the answers and that she they were just getting in my way (so typical).

I look at this picture now and see a mother holding onto a child with loving arms. Those arms held me when I was sick, when I was hurt, when I was graduating from high school and pulling so hard to get free from them. But they still let me come back to them and they held me once again on the two most happiest days of my life, my wedding day when I was ready but still so scared to take that leap into marriage and the day I gave birth to my child, a daughter to continue the circle.

I guess the point that I am trying to make is that this picture makes me have so much more appreciation for her. To know what it was like for her day in and day out because now it is me living it. I wish that I could fool myself into believing that things will always be great between me and Lucy but then I would be just as stupid and naive as that 19 year old girl. But what I do believe is that I can create a happy, loving, disciplined home for her so she will know that she is loved and can always come back to my arms.

Thank you for teaching me so much about life, Mom. For letting go and allowing me to learn from my own mistakes. I can’t imagine how hard that was and how hard it will be on me. I take comfort in knowing what we have gone through has got us to where we are today. Friends.

I love you, Happy Mother’s Day.